When I started this blog and my adventure as Susan Pettigrew, I left Regina with full intentions of never coming back again. But if that couldn’t be achieved, I’d treat this story like the trip Jesus sent his disciples on in Luke 10. I had to adjust it a bit so that I had enough materials for nails and some outfits for networking (there were also some books that I just couldn’t bear to get rid of. I stored those at my aunt’s house in Etobicoke while I moved across Toronto 8 or 9 times).
To the best of my ability, I followed Jesus’s instructions. Get rid of (most) of what you have and stay with people. He gives them keys for discernment. When to stay and when to go. At least, that’s how I interpreted it. Technically, the disciples are supposed to heal people and tell them the Kingdom of God is near. I’ve never healed anyone but I am often drawn to lonely or broken-hearted people. I hoped doing nails would heal hearts. If no hearts got healed, then I’d be like the salt Jesus tells us to be in the Sermon on the Mount and add flavour wherever I go.
Next to healing people, Jesus tells the disciples to tell more people how the Kingdom of God is near, I just wrote about Jesus a lot on my blog and tried (numerous times but failed just as many) to practice what I preach. Not everybody agreed with me but I just said it like it was. This is how I read it, take it or leave it. Jesus tells his disciples before they leave that if they accept you, be at peace with them. If they reject you, shake the dust off your feet. Back then, shaking the dust off your feet was a massive insult. De-friending people on social media was the closest metaphor I could relate to this Hebrew insult. I did it a couple times.
Not every situation was so black and white. Sometimes I left because the situation was unhealthy. Sometimes, I left because my Airbnb smelled like urine and the Tibetans in Scarborough were having weird honky-tonk sex upstairs. Sometimes I left because I knew it was time. Sometimes I left because I was offered another place to stay. Sometimes I left because I was faced with the choice of being obedient to God’s word or not. Sometimes I didn’t have a choice. I had to go.
The trip was imperfect but I learned a lot and I think it was preparation for something. Not sure what but something.
I don’t know what is coming next. Will school work out? I have no clue. Will I be in Regina forever? Also, unknown. But I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be because so many doors have closed and it’s led me here. Might as well get comfortable. Most of my life, if not all, is out of my control. Even though I’m the one behind the laptop, God is the author of it. He writes the story and I just transcribe. Whatever happens, happens. I’m learning to be okay with this unknown. It’s just uncomfortable because I’d really like to settle down at some point. Have a kitchen of my own to cook for people and kiss foster babies.
A couple weeks ago, a writer in this writers’ group I joined was talking about a poet who posts his poetry as a first draft, spelling mistakes and all. They– the people in the writer’s group– were horrified at the thought. People will see all your mistakes!
That’s the point, silly.
I write for people who make mistakes. Maybe some of mine will make them feel better. I write for people who fail. Maybe when I laugh at my failures, they’ll start laughing at theirs. I write for people who are hurting. I write so they know they aren’t alone. I write to make people smile. I write to comfort them.
Nothing in my story went as planned and so much of my life has fallen apart but it’s a story and it’s mine. The story doesn’t end here. It’s just going offline. Susan Pettigrew will still do nails and pet-sit. It just won’t be published.
At least, not on a blog. 😉