Banished from Tinder

You guys, I got banned from Tinder. The only reason I can think of is because I put a link to my blog in the ‘About Me’ section. I guess you’re not allowed to do that. It’s self-promoting. But like, really, do you need to ban someone from Tinder? Couldn’t you just tell her to edit it?

And it really makes me wonder how this happened. Do they have people who do routine checks? Or was I reported? I’m so curious. But I guess I broke their rules. Fair enough. I will accept my consequences.

But if I was reported, I wonder who.

Was it the one guy out of a couple hundred who actually read the Terms and Agreements? (who the hell actually reads them anyway?) Some guy who has dubbed himself the Tinder Police? I bet his Type A personality makes him a real winner.

I wonder if it was that painter (of walls) who got mad at me years ago because I decided I didn’t want to make out with him anymore (we had been planning for awhile). He was constantly texting and Snapping and I found it very annoying so I called it off. He got mad, started swearing at me and calling me a fat cow. I blocked him immediately.

I wonder if he found his way onto Tinder because Plenty of Fish didn’t want him anymore.

I wonder if it was one of my old flames who kept trying to hack into my email but never got the password and locked himself out enough times that Gmail notified me.

(Correction: That happened twice. Two different men).

I wonder if it’s the dude I met on the bus. He gave me his card, I gave him my number. The moment he got off the bus, he proceeded to call me over and over and over again. Somewhere between ten to sixteen times in an hour. Eventually, I had to block him because he wouldn’t stop. When I looked him up online, it turns out he was engaged.

I wonder if it was the dude who talked and talked and talked with me on Bumble but never followed through by asking me out. I knew something was bizarre. When I asked him if he was married or had a girlfriend, he owned up to it, said yeah, and apologized for “leading me on.” I never spoke to him again.

I wonder if it was the dude who was fascinated by my virginity. Wanted phone calls and pictures and details.

I wonder why I fell for that.

I wonder why I kept texting when he told me he only dates girls who have their nails done for both hands and feet. He won’t date them otherwise. My nails were natural at the time and that’s how it ended. Well, that’s where it should’ve ended but I kept texting him anyway.

I wonder why I fell for that.

I wonder if it was one of the guys I stopped responding to because I was disinterested and distracted.

I wonder if it was the guy in IT who sent me dick pics. Nine inches, he says, and thicc. I said, you just sent me my first dick pic! And promptly unmatched with him.

Hm. You know what? Tinder, you’re right. I am the wrong one. The one who needs to be banned. I truly don’t belong there. Thank you for reminding me of that.

P.S. If you’ve ever wondered why I’m single, please re-read this post. That’s why.