Sometimes when I write thankful lists, I write it when my heart is truly, sincerely grateful. But on days when I feel small and unwelcome, those are the days I have to work very hard to be thankful. Today I’m thankful for lists because they help me get perspective.
I am thankful for fries from my oven and spicy mayo.
I am thankful for my blue hair. I love it even if it makes my hands blue and stains the tub.
I haven’t mastered the art of giving grace to people who make me feel small. I don’t know how to honour them or bless them sincerely when I’m bitter and upset. I am not thankful for those actions but I am thankful for God who can hear my bitter complaint and give me perspective. Chances are the people who do those things are feeling small themselves and assert their “power” because they are under a lot of stress. I’ve done similar things as these people have done to me. Jesus forgave me for my behavior so I can forgive these people for theirs. Neither of us deserve to be forgiven but I’d rather take the higher road than continue in the silly maze of pettiness. I am thankful for perspective and forgiveness.
For new graphic novels.
For lawyers who don’t mind conflict because I am a handful.
For food in my belly.
For cancelled plans and then restored plans and now movie-night-with-friends-plan.
I’ve had some really good dates since I decided to start practicing. I don’t know where these dates will go but I’m grateful for gentlemen who are so thoughtful and kind. It restored my hope in humanity or at least the male species. Gentlemen DO exist.
My prayer this year was to get back up on my feet after falling at least three times to rock bottom in the past five years. I feel like I’m finally where I prayed to be and my biggest fear is that I’ll lose it all. That I’ll lose everything I’ve worked so hard for. If it happens (because shit happens), then I will be thankful for the moment I had it. I am thankful for the moment I had the things I prayed for, even if it was short. I’ll think of the adventure God took me on every time I fell down. It was messy and difficult but He never left me once and He always provided. Always.