Keep Trying

While I’m all for having a good attitude, I do believe there is a time where you gotta be honest with yourself. This week was a bit more difficult than I had planned and I kinda hit my threshold last night. Ten minutes before meeting up with a couple friends, everything kinda hit me and I fell apart. All the things I was trying to overcome with thankfulness, just suppressed a larger problem and all these prayers of bitterness and fear poured out.

Somehow (and I’m not sure how), I got myself out the door and met up with some of my favourite people at the local pub. I drank a glass of wine, knit a dishcloth and ranted. We all ranted. I don’t think any of our problems went away but it sure helped.

I am thankful for friends.

I am thankful for principals who say thank you and tell you they appreciate you.

I am thankful for the wins I had with a couple students.

I am thankful for a good belly laugh in a zoo of teenagers.

I am thankful for a good workout Friday morning. It wasn’t so hard I was exhausted by the end and it was challenging enough that I know where I need to get better.

I am thankful for Carly Romanow, a lawyer with Pro Bono Law Sk. She was/is my podcast guest this week. I was so nervous (she’s kind of a big deal) but she was awesome, totally humble and we ended up talking for a long time.

I am thankful I got everything done on my To-Do list on Thursday. I even had time to go for a walk and got to bed at decent hour.

I’m thankful for the person who left the smiley face cookie on my desk on Friday. There was a little note that said,  “Have a wonderful day!” with a pic of a sloth in a coffee cup. The cup had the word, “Sloffee” written on it. It didn’t make sense but it made me smile and I think that’s the point.

It’s weeks like these where I really wish I was married. Not because I want my husband to fight my battles but because I’m so tired of doing this by myself. Finding a godly man I legitimately admire to walk this difficult seasons of life with would be peachy. But it’s not my reality. So I pray and write and work and work some more and go for walks and read and watch dark European television about serial killers on Netflix.

And I try to be thankful even when I don’t feel like it. Even when my list of problems are longer than my list of gratefulness. I will keep trying.