a man of spectacular fuzz and sincere hatred

Now Haman, the Neo-Nazi, was a man from a peculiar species. Most would identify him as human for he had the outward indication and inclination of such a species. He had two legs, two arms, was kind of tall and he could make art (which is apparently a defining attribute of humans for no other species can make it [Think about it. Have you ever seen a gopher with art in his gopher hole? Or a moose with decorative flowers on his antlers?]). He grew up with a human family (as confirmed by his lineage and title), ate supper like a human family (with their mouths open), went to school like a human family (on a bus but sometimes he walked) and spoke the language of Human (pick your fancy). 

Yes, by all/most means, he was truly/seemingly human. 

Except for two things. 

Number one. He was a man of superior fuzz.  Unlike most men with supernatural fur-growing ability, Haman grew hair in odd places: under his finger nails (which is extremely itchy and no matter how many times he scratched, he was never fully satisfied), behind his knees (it’s the armpit of your leg but twice as stinky), on the sole of his foot, in the inner corner of his eye and worst of all, beneath his tongue (which got mouldy from the food and spit). 

It’s a miracle he got married, at all.  

Number two. He was bilingual but not in the way most people are. He could speak two languages at the same time. You see — it’s quite extraordinary, really — when Haman spoke, his vocal cords made this two-tone sound that vibrated at different frequencies but it happened together. Like a song. Two instruments or frequencies; one piece of music. Naturally, the lowest frequency is the one understood by humans but the other frequency was so high pitched that it was only understood by dogs, dolphins and cats. So when Haman said (in Human), “I’m hungry.” It actually translated (in Cat) to “Steal your friend’s food when he’s not looking.”  Though it may sound like Haman is speaking Human, subliminally, he speaks feline. 

This ability to speak two languages in one came in handy when Haman worked at The Castle for he was a friend of man and of cat. During the day, he worked as a coffee clerk filling people’s cups and dishing out danishes. A normal human to all who met him, minus the odd hair growth. However, once the sign flipped from ‘OPEN’ to ‘CLOSED,’ and all the humans left, Haman retreated to the sitting room with the cats. King Zirk would call a meeting to discuss the policies and ‘next steps’ of The Castle. He looked to his subjects, including Haman for advice on how to move forward. And so, all the furry beings would sit together and plan at a purring frequency that was only known to them. 

As you can see, this man was indeed a hybrid. Built from the best of the best. Part cat, part human. The most superior of all races. And he knew it.  But like the cats he kept company with at The Castle, he was not always accepted. Each of them were rejected by somebody. Usually someone close (and that is a wound very difficult to heal). Though human in feature, his peculiarities made him odd and so he was often excluded from human activities. But the exclusion didn’t stop there. Even the cat kingdom was uninviting (as they usually are), for when he was a child, he sought company with his childhood cat, Mr. Mouse. But even Mr. Mouse would not accept him. He was too furry for humans but he was bald in comparison to Mr. Mouse, the Cat, and therefore not worthy of his time. Not enough of one and too little of the other. 

As he grew from child to adolescent and adolescent to adult, Haman’s peculiar body grew but his heart did not. In fact the rejection, like a disease, caused it to shrivel and by the time he hit 40 years of age (about the time he began working at The Castle), it had shriveled to a single string. The string’s only job was to vibrate enough that the blood was pushed through his arteries and reached his tissues and then, somehow found it’s way back again. His body received the nutrients it required for his heart strings did the only mechanical job they knew how but every aspect of his emotional health receded. Until the only thing he felt was pride. 

Pride fed through power. 

So the day King Zirk promoted him to a higher office and requested that the entire castle bow to him whenever he entered the room, it makes sense that his ego would be fed beyond necessity. Thus, the ratio of pride to compassion that lived somewhere between his chest and brain was 100:0. 

Knowing this, we would understand why Haman would be filled with enough hate to kill Morty the day he refused to bow down to him (for Morty was a Jew and Jews are forbidden to bow down to anyone other than God himself). And so Haman planned to kill Morty. But of course, a man with this much pride would never stop with just one death. What is the fun in only one? Many must be punished and so began Haman’s plan to purify The Castle of all the Morty’s within it’s walls. 

This is where the genocide begins.